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Of Mice and Men Controlled Assessment
Controlled Assessment: Spoken Language Study
Comment:
I read this essay with a great deal of interest and pleasure. For the most part the effort you made to express it as an impassioned argument was successful. You developed a consistent argument and employed a range of examples and ideas to support your point. Your introduction deviated from the traditional “outline your main points” structure; which might have undermined the clarity of a less confident piece of writing, however it enhanced this essay as it set up the discursive tone effectively. The response never deviated from a laser-focus on the question and in the most part made subtle points supported by sophisticated detail.
Your conclusion was particularly effective, embedded as it was in the scope of the question, but demonstrating a personal curiousity about language and its growth.
Areas you may wish to develop in the future:
- Occasionally your expressive adverbials and adjectives, “immensely” etc, may have detracted from the over-all confident tone of your writing
- The latter part of the essay, where you referred to aspects of speaking and texting that were more socially-constructed, lacked the accurate use of detailed exemplification that characterised the earlier paragraphs. I would contend that detailed examples, thoroughly explained, are even more important when an essay is exploring more nuanced ideas (for example, an example of idiolect or cockney rhyming slang would have strengthened your later paragraphs)
